Cold feet

No, I’m not getting married. Our departure date is looming, and we’re not quite sure where the time went. Between working and school, our last few weeks have just been zooming by. We’re not sure how we’re supposed to just up and leave our family and friends for 7 months. Nervous? Not me…

Luke seems to be handling it a but better than I am – he’s focused on the good things to come, versus what we’re leaving behind. Everybody keeps saying, “it’s going to be the best experience of your life!” Intellectually, I know this. I will never have another experience like it, and I need to grab life by the kilt and go along for the ride. But…there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to go. How can I leave everything behind? Everyone’s lives will continue while we’re away…will there be a place for us when we return?

But then I realized something. Why am I so scared? Because I don’t want the people who have been a part of my life for 20 years to move on without me? How is this even possible? Sure, I’ll miss out on memories and stories to be told in the future, but I’ll be making those myself to bring back to those waiting for me. I’ll always be welcome.

There are times when the actual experience of leaving something makes you wish desperately that you could stay, and then there are times when the leaving reminds you a hundred times over why exactly you had to leave in the first place. (Shauna Niequist)

I’m a victim of this teeter tottering. Sometimes I think, how can I possibly leave all this behind? My mum, my dad, my brother, my amazing friends (one of whom is forced to plan her wedding without me), my warm house, my pet hedgehog Charlie. And sometimes I think, I can’t wait. Can’t wait to have this experience. Can’t wait to live on my own with Luke. Can’t wait to get on that plane and get the most out of this once in a lifetime chance at adventure. I guess I’ll ride this teeter totter until the moment I leave.

My plan to battle my homesickness is to write this blog to share all my experiences with those at home, and to write letters, email, and Skype everyone I’ll miss. And when people visit it’ll get hard again. I’ll be ecstatic when they arrive and not want them to leave at the end. But at least I’ll see them!

Only 14 days until we leave. I’m trying to milk my time with my family as much as humanly possible. I can’t decide if this will help me when I leave or make it worse. We’ll see, won’t we! Wish me luck!

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere. (Tim McGraw)

This is how close I’m staying until we leave and nobody can stop me!



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